The Night Before Christmas
The Updated Jim Conrad
Version
(Jim is a delivery specialist at the DSN)
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas, and it’s starting to snow
I’m
afraid that by morning, it’s to shoveling I’ll go;
The
oversized stockings by the chimney were nailed,
And
when Santa shows up, hope he won’t get impaled,
The
kids had been arguing, so I sent them to bed,
With
directions to be quiet, or at least to play dead.
The missus in pjs and me in sweat suit
Had
two pairs of wool socks and electric blankets to boot,
When
out in the yard was a god-awful noise,
I jumped out of bed and tripped over kids toys
I
limped to the window and rolled up the blind,
To
see if the source of the sound I could find.
The street light was shining right dead in my eye
And at three in the morning my senses did lie
But I thought sure I saw a sled by the street
With a whole bunch of reindeer who thought they were neat
And then to my red blood shot eyes did appear
A Santa Claus dude with a cell phone to his ear
I guess them there elves hadn’t checked out his pack
He seemed to be missing some things from his sack
Then
he hollered to the reindeer, “Get this sled on the roof.
For it seems like the elves have made quite a goof
My cell phone reception is not all that good
Perhaps on the rooftop it will work like it should”
So I guess that they dragged him on top of the house
‘Cause all the noise in the rafters didn’t come from a mouse
Well I guess that his cell phone still didn’t connect
Three o’clock Christmas morning. What do you expect?
So he came down the chimney to use our house phone
Guess he figured he have better luck with a dial tone
He must have got thru to the North Pole Exchange
For I heard him yelling loudly in a verbal exchange
If those elves don’t do better, resumes they might need
‘Cause they’ll be looking for work if they don’t get up to speed
Then he left what he had in the stockings that hung
Mumbling “ If I had some decent help, I could get the job done”
He crawled back up the chimney and jumped on his sleigh
And
I heard him still mumbling as he started on his way,
“Hope
my bill with Fed-Ex is not more than I can pay,
And that folks all around have a MERRY CHRISTMAS anyway”
Original poem by Jim
Conrad 17 Dec 2002
It's always amazing how
fast the year goes by anymore! (Maybe it's a sign of my old age!)
